I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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