Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
