Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
