So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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