You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
