There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Only a mothe r could love this liver
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
