Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
birth control should be required to get into college
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize