I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
