the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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