It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
