...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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