wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We got so high we made milksteak
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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