You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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