her vagine was all disorganized.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
