So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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