Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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