is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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