Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize