Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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