I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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