Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
