she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
