he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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