He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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