I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
