ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've blown a few things in my day
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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