I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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