Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
