We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
