I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
