Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
