if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
