I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
