Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize