mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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