My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
