Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
