She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
