Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
