I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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