do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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