I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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