the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
