So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
