I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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