this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
