Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
