I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
