I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
