I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
