what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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