Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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