My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
