Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
