we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
