I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
