Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
