Don't you send me to vm
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
