Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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