Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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