why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
