i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Panties = found
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
