I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
