I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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