Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
