i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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