As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
