I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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