Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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