Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
