Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
