Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
