I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
