Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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