Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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