p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just found puke in my bra..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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