I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
