turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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