My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
