Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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