I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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