ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
