Already got asked if we're dating
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
