I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
