she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
