I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
