we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Your penis caused this!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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